Fridays Joke: Emma come first

The countdown has start for when I step into a new decade, notably called, The 30's. 13 days and counting but at least i've made it into a 4 day weekend for myself so thats not too bad. Anyway if anyone has any good age'ist jokes send them over to me for next week. Enjoy!

A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

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A ColdFusion Primer from Tunesbag

A bit on an intro to this. If I haven't mentioned I use Tweetdeck as my Twitter client which allows you to have a search panel. Mine is updated with my criteria of "ColdFusion". This is brilliant as it helping come across new CF users that maybe aren't so vocal/known in the community (by me anyway)

First off I came across a high-level, but comprehensive primer into ColdFusion: http://www.slideshare.net/funkymusic/cold-fusion-a-primer-by-hansjoerg-poschppt

Then on my travels I found out the author was, Hansjoerg Posch who has created a CF application called Tunesbag.

tunesBag.com, a fresh and spicy new music storage & sharing service cooked up in a  dark  Vienna  basement  by  serial  entrepreneur  and  PHd  student  Hansjörg  Posch  is  offering up to 5 GB oftheir tunes anytime, atotally free AND legal! 

Fridays Joke: Strip club for his birthday.

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

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UK file sharers getting clamped down on

If you don't know already the UK is taking its orders from the music industry in terms to clamp down on file-sharers. The big six, BT, Virgin, Orange, Tiscali, BSkyB and Carphone Warehouse have all signed up for the proposed "three-strikes" system. In short, after a couple of letters you're going to be in trouble.

Up to now UK ISP's have had the stance of we supply the network we don't care what our users do, we're not the police. Part of this comes from the Human Rights law that we sit under that provides a degree of privacy in our communications.

But what bothers me the most with this is that the pressure is actually coming via the Government, and its them whom are actually telling the ISP's what to do. Now if its illegal, its illegal I get it. But shouldn't the Government be putting more energy into getting ISP to track terror chatter, child porn, sales of drugs etc. I can't see how a multi-billion pound/dollar industry is more of a "serious" issue to them. The music industry needs to stop looking at laws and wasting Government resource and use a little fresh initiative and ideas to prevent the file sharing in the first place.

Read more on this at here and here

Fridays Joke: Correct use of the "F" word

When is F#$% Acceptable?

There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been considered acceptable for use.

They are as follows:

11. "What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?"
Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912

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ColdFusion bugs and CF9 wishlist

Adam Lehman (Platform Evangelist at Adobe ) twittered

We've got The Awesome Power of a Fully-Operational Mothership behind Centaur (ColdFusion 9). Adobe Execs gave our specs the green light!

This got me thinking about CF9 and new features which I wanted to see so I submitted my first one today. While there though it got me thinking that maybe not all people know about this. So if you have something you'd like to see in ColdFusion, or have a possible bug don't forget the following address: http://www.adobe.com/cfusion/mmform/index.cfm?name=wishform

Take screenshots in/on the iPhone

If you haven't seen the entries floating around already, you can take screen shots of your iPhone with the new v2 upgrade.

To take a screen shot all you have to do hold down the home key (bottom square button) and push in the top button. The screen then will flash for a second then you're done. You'll find the image on your camera roll where you can sync it up to your Mac/PC and do what you want with it.

You can see a live demo in action atCnet

Fridays Joke: crate of Stella

3 blokes, Steve Dave and Bruce are working on a high rise .... one of them (Steve) falls to his death.
The other two have to decide who will break the news to his missus.
Dave decides he'll do it as he's pretty good at that caring sentimental stuff and off he trots.

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Citrix Secure Access Client for Mac OSX

Citrix have finally released a beta client of their Citrix Secure Access Client for the Mac OSX.

The beta release for Secure Access Client for Mac OS X is supported for use with Access Gateway Standard Edition only. This client allows remote users to connect using an easy-to-use, Web download and updated client, enjoying a rich desk-like experience. Always-on access automatically and seamlessly reconnects users to their documents when they change locations and devices, or lose connectivity.

Up till now its been a Windows only client which meant I had to do everything through a VM image. Which was a pain when it comes to developing and testing sites.

You'll need to sign up (for free) to "My Citrix". Once logged in go to support >> downloads >> Select "Citrix Access Gateway" product from the drop down >> click on the link for "Secure Access Client for Mac OS X - BETA"

MySQL limit cffunction for Query and QoQ's

Query of a Query functionality was introduced in ColdFusion 5 and it gives the developer the ability to re-query a returned recordset. While it does implement the core set of SQL SELECT commands the one bit of functionality I miss is MySQL's Limit function (I miss this in ANY relational database thats not MySQL as it makes paginiation a doddle).

Limit in MySQL works as such:


SELECT * FROM myTable LIMIT 0, 10

The above code will display the first 10 results from your your (table is 0 indexed)


SELECT * FROM myTable LIMIT 5, 5

Starting from the 5th record this will bring back rows 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10

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